My Transition
by NekoKayia
Summary: Every country must die as a human before they can be brought back as an embodiment. Russia knows how almost every nation died or produce enough of a good guess to satisfy him. Except for America. So he makes a deal to gain such information by telling his own story. Slight RusAme.
1. Ivan's Death

**Story: My Transition**

**Chapter One: Ivan's Death**

**Word Count: 6,848**

**Warning: Violence, blood, gore, OC's, character death. Slight RusAme.**

* * *

Ivan looked around the room at the G8 meeting that was in full discussion, it was nice to see everybody talking like they were currently, it was fun to see everybody. But today he had been bored enough to look around to room and think about how his fellow countries came to be how they were. It was said that there had been people to represent them before now, that somehow they could be reincarnated if they somehow died as a nation. Ivan didn't know about that, but he did know that it was true that to become a nation a human had to die, whether that human had previously been a nation and was reincarnated was unknown.

Still, he felt he could guess how some of them had died. England had most likely died in the black death, the man always got much too tense if he heard any reference to it, he probably did have signs of it, which would be why he always dressed to cover quite a bit of himself, and he was somewhat delusional which could have been from the last stages of the illness. His obsession with the dark arts were medieval, so it wasn't too far of a stretch.

Francis... well, honestly Ivan would have suspected some sort of STD, but Francis had been around a long time and hadn't disappeared for a long while, so it had been before AID's came into being. Then again, seeing as he had a scar across his chest - Ivan had seen the other naked plenty of times, since the other seemed happy with removing his clothes - he had obviously been murdered, perhaps in a great war?

Germany, as far as Ivan understood it, had died soon after Germany was actually Germany, of what Ivan wasn't quite sure of what, just knowing the time period satisfied any curiosity on the subject. Germany wasn't exactly somebody Ivan found interesting in the strictest sense of the word. Ivan wouldn't be surprised if he was killed by somebody below him who was sick of him being so strict on things.

Italy had told Russia himself that he had died of eating too much uncooked pasta and it had made his stomach explode, though thanks to some doctors when he became a country they sealed it back up so he could eat again. He gave Ivan a long speech about how it was bad to eat pasta without cooking it first, and how bland it had tasted.

Japan, well Ivan never really gave it much thought since he disliked the other nation and didn't care how he died. Ivan was sure the other had died during the war when the nukes were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

He felt like he was forgetting someone... oh yes, Canada, that was easy, considering the scars along the others wrists that he usually kept hidden, suicide.

Ivan felt like he could probably at least make an estimated each of the countries deaths really, if he didn't absolutely know them. But there was one that was stumping him. Looking over the the loud obnoxious laughter, Ivan had to think, he didn't want to just come up with something random, while he was not found of the American, he had been a worthy opponent while they were enemies. So it felt almost cheap to just guess. The other didn't have any marks Ivan had seen that could cause death, though considering America almost always wore that bomber jacket of his, that didn't really mean much. Ivan tried to recall any time he had seen Alfred wearing less.

There were times during the war the other wore a tank-top and shorts, but he'd never seen the other shirtless or less than that even. Ivan tried to recall when everybody had went swimming once, but as far as he could remember Alfred still kept on his tank-top and short even while swimming. It made some sense, since the other was often self-conscious about his weight. Perhaps the other died of diabetes? No, that sounded too perfect.

Alfred was young too, so it probably wasn't anything natural, but Ivan didn't even know when the other had died even, so that made it even more difficult to think. If he knew the time period that would help him guess at the cause. Humming quietly to himself, he entertained the thought of asking, but most countries held such information close to them, as though sensitive about such things. Ivan never understood it, they had all died somehow, it wasn't a secret and they had all gone through death one way or another, the exact details weren't that important.

He supposed that he could try asking Alfred. The other was usually very open... and loud, but he usually could talk on end and Ivan felt that he couldn't even hazard a guess as to what the others cause of death might have been. Sometimes it was sad thinking - that sometimes they died so young, like Sealand or Latvia, and of course America. It happened sometimes though. Nodding slightly, Ivan decided that he could try asking America, and if that did not work, he would stalk the other until he got his answer.

With that plan in mind, Ivan waited patiently until the meeting was called to a close, sometimes he would walk out with France to creep the other out, but this time he stood and followed Alfred out the door. The blond teen seemed anxious to leave like usual however, and he was actually difficult to keep up with. "America." Ivan called, causing the man he had called attention to pause in his brisk walking and look over his shoulder curiously.

"Oh hey Russia, what's up?" They usually didn't chat much outside of official business.

"I was hoping that I could ask you something."

"Um sure, what's on your mind?" Alfred turned to face him fully.

"How did you die?"

"What?" Alfred blinked.

"How did you die, you know when you were human, before becoming a country?"

"I know what you meant!"

"Then why did you ask?" Ivan asked, tilting his head slightly. "Honestly America, you can be so silly."

"You calling me stupid?"

Ivan giggled slightly, "I will buy you ice cream."

"What?"

"I will buy you ice cream if you tell me, you like ice cream yes?"

"I do..." Alfred smiled widely, "Alright, I'll tell you if you tell me how you died and get me all the ice cream I want for today!"

Ivan pursed his lips, thinking a moment before nodding, that would be easier than stalking America for who knew how long. "Alright, it is a deal then."

"Awesome, I've been wanting some bubblegum ice cream for like ever! This one place has it too and like a bunch of other flavors, come on!" Alfred said, instantly brightening up and starting away, Ivan smiled and followed, feeling pleased that it only took a bit of bribing with ice cream to get the American to say how he had died.

* * *

Alfred had gotten about three gallons of different colors and flavored ice cream. Ivan patiently waited for the American to get settled on the hotel couch of Alfred's room. The American had put two tubs in the fridge and was opening the third, grabbing a spoon and starting to eat out of it just like that, shifting to sit criss-crossed, looking at Ivan who sat on the chair across from him as he pulled the tub of ice cream onto his lap. "Sooo... you going to start this?"

"As long as you promise to tell me your story as well."

"Of course, I did make a deal with you, I'm not going to go back on it! Jeez." Alfred rolled his eyes. "And all of it, okay? I want to hear your life story. No skimping on the details! I wanna hear everything."

"You sound more interested than I do." Ivan smiled.

"What can I say, I dunno how you died... did you freeze to death?"

"Nyet, I did not." Ivan shook his head. Alfred nodded. "Well I do not know where to start really..."

"Well how old are you?"

"Ah... ten?"

"What? You are not ten." Alfred frowned.

"You count how many years you live, yes?"

"You could how many years from when you were born until you died!"

"Oh, silly me. I believe... ah..." Ivan thought for a moment, "I believe around twenty... I do not remember the exact number. But I remember when I was ten!"

"... Does that have to do with you dying?"

"Da!"

"Oh... okay, continue then."

* * *

_He looked up at the man who was holding his hand and had led him to this place. "Alright, this is where you are going to be staying for awhile, do whatever you'd like." Nodding, the young boy looked around, letting go of the hand. The room was filled with toys of every shape and size and there were a lot of other children around his age all moving around and playing with things._

_A lot of them were in groups too, mostly of two to five. He knew that the man had left him alone, but he paid that no mind as he stood by the wall nervously, looking at a group playing tag. He had been told he could do whatever he wanted. He spotted a boy and girl playing with some blocks and walked up to them._

_They had plenty to use and they were building a small city. Ivan had never seen so many colors and shapes in such a small area. When he got closer, they looked up at him. He was new. Shifting a bit he looked at the boy, then the girl, then to the blocks. "Ah... could I play with you?" He asked hopefully._

_The two blinked up at him a moment before the girl nodded, "Well sure, what is your name?"_

_"Iv-" He stopped, he was told that here, he no longer had a name. That names were for children who had parents who loved them. "I mean one." He had been given the number, the man had said that was who he was now. At least it was an easy number to remember._

_They both frowned and the boy shook his head. "You cannot play with us."_

_Ivan frowned, looking down and nodding. It was not the first time he had been denied playing with others. "Oh... okay." He turned and walked away. Perhaps he could find somebody who wanted to play with him, there were a lot of people there._

_Walking up to some children standing in a circle and playing with a ball, he stood nervously to the side for awhile, wondering if they would let him play along. After a moment a girl noticed him and smiled, waving him over._

_Smiling, he stepped forward with the invitation. He was so thrilled that he was able to play, the large ball bouncing sometimes coming his way so he could catch it and push it towards somebody else._

_It was fun, though he was disappointed when the ball passed by him and he had to sit out until a new game began. He wasn't the first however. And he was so excited when one of them started talking to him. "Hi!" The girl who had waved him over said as he sat down next to her._

_"Hello." He muttered, smiling back at her. "This is fun."_

_"It is my favorite!"_

_"I would rather play with the blocks but it is still nice."_

_She nodded happily, holding out her hand, Ivan smiled and took it, shaking it. "My name is M- ah... twelve."_

_He was glad he was not the only one mixing up the new names. "Mine is one." He said, taking his hand back._

_"One?" She tilted her head, a frown forming. She shook her head. "You cannot play with us then. Go away."_

_"O-Oh... I see... okay." He nodded, feeling a bit worse than before, he had been hoping to play another round. It was only after hearing his name that she did not like him. Standing up he walked away. Maybe she wanted his number. Could he change it? No, he was told that One was who he was. How could he change that? He would have to ask._

* * *

_He was told he could not change it, and at least a week went by and he could not find anybody who wanted to play with him. Nobody even talked to him, they avoided him more than anything. It became a pattern. Him waking up, eating, a man leading him out of his room and into the school to learn. Sitting at a small table that nobody sat at once they realized he sat there and watching everybody play during recess. Then came lunch where he watched everybody talking with their friends before going back to playing until class started again. Then he'd be shown back into his room to eat dinner and sleep until it repeated._

_Thankfully, he was told when his birthday was. It was a nice thing to know. And sometimes he would try and talk to some people, but they would never speak back to him, sometimes even running away, or if they were bigger, pushing him to the ground and telling him to leave everybody alone._

_Two birthdays had past before he knew it and he was still friendless in this place that everybody seemed to have a friend in. It was lunch time, he was playing with his sandwich when he saw somebody out of the corner of his eye. Looking up, he saw twenty-one. While Ivan had never met him personally, it was surprising how much he learned about everybody without having to speak to anybody._

_Still, he had never had anybody approach him before, twenty-one standing at the other side of the table from where Ivan was seated. The boy was a year older and he was still taller then Ivan, most people were. Perhaps it would be to beat him up for trying to engage with somebody earlier. It wouldn't be the first time._

_"Hi..."_

_Ivan blinked at the word, waiting for the insults or physical injury that was coming. "Hello..." His voice sounded strained even to himself, but Ivan had hardly spoken to anybody. There was a long moment of awkward silence._

_"Can I sit?" Ivan blinked, wondering if he had heard right, but he nodded. Twenty-one sat down across from him, giving a small smile. Silence filtered between them, the other boy eating but Ivan just staring, expecting the other to leave but hoping it was all true. They started fidgeting the longer Ivan stared at him. Finally it seemed the silence became too much to bare. "Twenty-one."_

_"What?" Ivan blinked at the blurted name._

_"Ah... that's my name, I mean... I'm Twenty-one."_

_Ivan nodded, "Yes, I know."_

_"And you're one right?" Ivan stiffened, looking at the male across from him. His name was what had driven so many away. Still, he nodded painfully. "Cool, that will be easy to remember! I'm usually bad with remember who is who."_

_"You are not going to run away?" Ivan blinked._

_"Um... no... why would I?" Ivan nodded his head. "Hey, if you do not mind me asking, why do you smile all the time when you're by yourself?"_

_"It is habit now... I smiled because I thought that it would help to make some friends." So much for that plan, it just scared most them off even more it seemed. "I had forgotten I was smiling until you mentioned it."_

_"Yeah? Can you frown?" Ivan thought about it, trying his hardest to comply to the request, looking up at twenty-one to see if it was working. "No, you're still smiling a bit." Ivan sighed, letting it go._

_"Sorry."_

_"No reason to feel sorry. I wish I could smile all the time, but that sounds tiring." Ivan felt his smile soften, not fall but... soften as he listen to the other speak, talking back to the other every once and awhile._

* * *

_It was nice to have a friend after so long, and in fact Twenty-one was a friend, and another year past, the older usually opting to spend time with Ivan then with anybody else. Though nobody else was his friend, Ivan was happy with just having Twenty-one. He was nice and kind and as another year rolled around they were spending most their time with each other and even sharing kisses._

_Two more additional years however and Ivan was sixteen and easily towered over everybody, which didn't help his case any. Still, it was on his sixteenth birthday that him and Twenty-one started to sleep together in all meanings of the word. It had been awkward at first, since neither knew what they were doing, but still pleasing and it only got better._

_It was when he was seventeen that things started going downhill. It started like any day, Twenty-one wasn't with him during lunch, instead choosing that day to hang out with his friends - because he insisted that he needed friends. Ivan didn't mind since it didn't happen every day like it used to afterall._

_He had finished with lunch and was walking around, not really having anything in mind of what to do or where to go in his time before class started. However, as he was walking around he noticed Twenty-one talking to the people he normally did, that wasn't the strange part. It was just... different somehow._

_Pausing, Ivan watched them for a moment before one of the boys - Fourteen if he remembered correctly - grabbed Twenty-one's shirt collar before slamming Ivan's lover into a wall, the head recoiling and Twenty-one clearly in pain._

_Letting out a deep growl, Ivan ran towards them, ignoring the occasional person who moved out of the way before he got to Fourteen who was holding Twenty-one against the wall, hands around the other's neck and yelling something - Ivan didn't care what._

_He grabbed Fourteen's shoulders, ripping him away from his lover and only friend, turning him so he could punch the other in the face. He should have remembered there were two others there, Six reacted immediately and latched onto one of his arms, the one he had just pulled back to hit Fourteen again._

_Ivan easily twisted his arm out of the grip, thankful for all the lessons he got in fighting that he thought he'd never use before using the same hand to smash up into the man's jaw hard enough to knock Six onto the ground, laying there in a momentary daze. Of course then Fourteen wrapped an arm around Ivan's neck from behind._

_Letting out another growl, he grabbed the hand around his neck before flipping the other over him into Six, making them both let out a sound of pain. Ivan whipped around to glare at Eighteen, who stood there looking petrified. Ivan left him, turning back to his Twenty-one who was on the ground on his knees and elbows, one hand on his neck and violet coughs racking through him._

_Ivan glared at the two men trying to get up. "O-One... " The spluttered name made him look back. "L-Let's just go." Giving one last glare to the boys standing, he stepped over and helped Twenty-one up carefully. Six and Fourteen still looked like they wanted to start something, but Twenty-one just shook his head, playing mediator it seemed._

_They curled their lips but left. Ivan guided Twenty-one over to sit down, getting some water for the other which the other drank thankful awhile before speaking. "One." Ivan turned his gaze away from Fourteen to look. "Don't kill them."_

_Ivan blinked, "Kill? Why do you think I would?" That word... a word that was painted with blood just with the sound. He knew what it meant. Death. To make another human being die. He would never._

_"You looked like you were going to." Twenty-one said, his voice still so raw. Kill? Ivan had never given the thought. Surely it was not impossible, he did know how, but that did not mean he would. Twenty-one had said he was capable of it though, and Twenty-one never lied._

_"They tried to kill you." Ivan growled, the realization hitting him. Fourteen had tried to kill his lover. He felt something dark fill into him that reminded him of how dark the world had been before he had Twenty-one, but this time it was combined with a deep seeded hatred._

_"There's that look, I'm fine One! Look, see." Twenty-one brought Ivan's hand up to touch the bruising neck, soft smile in place even after coughing through the sentence. "I'm alright, I'm not dead."_

_Ivan felt his anger drip away quickly, leaning forward to put his head against the other's shoulder. "You cannot die. Please, you cannot."_

_"I'm right here, so it's okay." Ivan sighed as he felt a hand run through his hair. "It's all going to be okay." For that moment Ivan wanted to believe him, he desperately wanted everything to be okay. However, he knew that if Fourteen ever tried laying hands on Twenty-one, then they would all find out just willing Ivan was to murder._

* * *

_It wasn't the last time though, but Twenty-one didn't get strangled, he was pushed around and picked on a lot and Ivan made sure to hurt whoever so much as looked at the other wrong despite how Twenty-one always tried to pull him away and say it wasn't worth it._

_Things calmed down though, and people soon realized that Ivan would hurt anybody who bothered Twenty-one. But that also made people more afraid of him and his lover. He was used to it, but his lover... well, he was often lonely and saying he wished he could have his friends back._

_Ivan didn't understand his sorrow since his 'friends' had nearly tried to kill him, but he tried to be supportive. They grew through the years though with nothing really noteworthy other than that._

_Of course, then came a day that everything changed. That day came about ten years later when Ivan was the age of twenty-five. It was when his lover was found dead, murdered. His throat had been slit open with a knife. Ivan didn't go to school for nearly a week, just staying in his room and not leaving it at all._

_But one night near the end of the week, Ivan stopped lying in misery in bed, wishing death would just come and kill him. It was obviously not going to happen. And he needed things to do._

_Breaking into the kitchen to get a knife wasn't hard in the slightest, and neither was finding the door labeled Fourteen._

* * *

_"You know I often wondered if he screamed. Perhaps struggling and even calling for help? But with his neck being cut open like it was I suppose he did not even get a chance to call out. Then again, I heard that he was raped... perhaps he did try calling out, but nobody heard him." Ivan muttered, looking at the knife gleaming in blood before looking down at the man he had managed to tie to the bed after much struggling._

_His body was shaking and there was a lot of blood soaking down into the blankets. Ivan didn't know what he was doing, but he didn't care as long as he caused pain. It was sickening the way that the skin pulled up around the cuts._

_But he remembered Twenty-one laying on a cold metal slab while being moved out, eyes staring in horror, pain and pure terror, neck cut open to show the muscles beneath. "There, that is the look Twenty-one had on his face when he was pulled away." Ivan muttered, leaning up to stare into the others eyes. "They said there was no evidence on who killed him. I knew, you all were cruel to his after you learned he was my friend. He was the nicest thing in this world, and you took him out of it through pain and suffering." Ivan snarled. Was he really such a horrible person that the one good thing he could have had to suffer and torn away?_

_Fourteen shook his head frantically, making a noise behind the gag, tears running down his face from the pain. Ivan growled angrily before shoving the knife into the other's chest. There was a crack then the other sounded like he was choking before he stopped moving._

_Ivan sat up, running his bloody hand through his hair and sighing. "Oops... I had not meant to kill you so easily... I wanted you to feel more pain." He pulled the knife out, looking at it. "Oh well... I will practice more on Six next."_

_It wasn't long before three more bodies were added to Twenty-one's death, and Ivan was actually quite happy to have learned a lot in such a short time. It was hard to kill a person if one did it right and he had wanted each one of them to suffer for what they did._

_Ivan had left the knife with the last body, thinking that was the end of the whole ordeal. Everybody gave him looks that showed they knew he did it without a doubt in their minds. He would have been fine with that, he had no reason to hide it. It was when he was accused of being the one who killed Twenty-one that he felt the familiar burning anger engulf him._

_That night he had wondered if he should kill for the small insult. It was not like they were the ones who killed Twenty-one, though Ivan had no idea how many were truly a part of it. But after awhile he decided it didn't matter. They had all been cruel to the only good thing in their entire world. And Ivan would kill every last one of them._

* * *

_He felt empty. Even though he had kept his promise to kill everybody and indeed everybody was now dead, he thought that he would feel better after Twenty-one had been avenged. Instead, he felt hollow and cracked somewhere he couldn't reach, where he doubted anybody could fix it._

_What was the point? It hadn't saved his lover and only friend. He still felt the ache of the loss on top of a sickening emotion that made him question why he had killed everybody. Perhaps if he had left them, they would have killed him, and he could be out of misery._

_What did it matter though? What was life to anybody if Twenty-one wasn't there. At least now he would be killed though, finally. The staff had found out when he was the only one left, and they were kind enough to put him out of his misery._

_Of course, not quickly. Sounded like they wanted to keep him alive as long as they could, to see how long a human could live with their chest being cracked open and their hearts pulled out. Maybe they were expecting him to live since he obviously was broken already. But they would be disappointed. His heart still loved Twenty-one, and while that was true then there was still good in him and he would die._

_It wasn't until they had cut the last artery that he was allowed to escape from the physical pain that had taken over his emotional one._

* * *

_Ivan blinked his eyes open, confused. Slowly he sat up, putting a hand to his chest and looking down. He didn't have a shirt on and his chest had a large hole. He remembered the pain that went with it._

_Looking around, he was aware of the wind stinging his cheeks and back, and surrounded by snow all around him. He'd never actually been in the snow before, he had never imagined it to be so cold._

_So this was death? Was his fate to be forever trapped in this cold and cruel world? Something stirred inside him though. He was Russia. A country, a place filled with so many people, more than he thought was possible._

_He was alive and he was Russia. It didn't sound like something that would make sense when he thought about it, but it just clicked into place. What he was, why he was there. But it didn't make Twenty-one any less dead._

_Wait, if the snow hadn't buried him completely that meant that he had not been out here long. Standing up he brushed off the snow on his pants legs as he stared up at the building nearly invisible in the howling wind. He felt that he had knowledge past what he had known. Suddenly he knew that what he was facing was where he had stayed for the last fifteen years of his life._

_It was also a science facility testing something... he didn't know what. But something nagged at him that he wanted to know. Ivan took a step forward before falling into the snow, legs stiff and uncooperative. He had just died, he had to take it slow._

_Then he saw a figure approaching him, he didn't even bother trying to play dead, he did not care and the snow was much too cold to lay in. A man he had never seen before stopped in front of him, he was tall and wore a coat filled with holes, military hat sitting on top of his head._

_His eyes were cold and harsh, but Ivan held them. This man... he should know him. Moving the coat aside, he pulled some things out. Ivan tensed, waiting for a gun, but instead he pulled out a pile of clothes and dropped it by him in the snow._

_Ivan blinked, looking down at it. The things that caught his attention was a pipe and a pink scarf. He picked up the scarf first. "Winter..." He looked up at the man, though the figure was already gone._

_Wrapping what he knew to be his scarf around his neck, he took a moment to bask in the strange familiarity the simple article of clothing gave him before starting to pull on the other clothes that were there, that promised to keep him so much warmer than what he was currently in._

_Once he was done he slowly stood and stumbled towards the building, metal pipe clenched tightly in his hand._

* * *

_He had killed fourteen more people in his exploration before he found a couple rooms he had not been in before. But he had found what seemed to be the room he was looking for. Looking through drawers he finally found a couple files that he was wanting._

_Pulling them out he sat down on the table, kicking his feet back and forth. It was so warm in here, but without his heart in his chest his blood wasn't warming up like it should have been. He'd have to find that next. Opening the file he looked at his portfolio._

_Ivan, his name was Ivan Braginski. Suiting name. He liked it. He had been found on the streets and it said that he had no signs of a serial killer. Interesting thing to have in a profile, especially when obviously was a killer._

_Putting the profile aside he picked up another folder, opening it and reading what this whole experiment had been about. Twenty-one children around the age of ten were picked to participate at random. They would be monitored and put through environments similar to school._

_One child who had no obvious psychosis would be put in a room with twenty other children who would all be told that child would grow up to kill each and every one of them to see what would happen._

_Chances were that the child would be killed by the some of the twenty others. But if the one child killed the others, it would point towards anybody being able to become a serial killer depending on their environment._

_Ivan hummed thoughtfully, an experiment on nature vs. nurture. He frowned, standing to look through some files and sitting down to read when he found the page to show progress. It turned out that originally Twenty-one had been sent to spy on Ivan to see who he was going to kill and what his plan was._

_That would explain why Twenty-one's friends suddenly turned on him. Pulling out another file he looked through it a while before finding the page he was looking for. There was a lot to go through, he was just glad the system was something he understood. Seemed like Twenty-one had said he was no longer going to play spy._

_Ivan ignored the note that he himself had made 'progress' by attacking them. So... what went wrong? Pulling out a couple more folder and searched through them. His was getting near the end of it all. Apparently after fifteen years they were going to lose funding since the experiment was obviously not going anywhere._

_Closing the folder he glared at the open door where a body laid dead. The main scientist believed that there would still be a chance that the experiment would work, but hypothesised that Twenty-one was somehow preventing things from happening, after all he was nice and while everybody acted cold towards him for choosing Ivan, they would sometimes listen to him. He was good with speaking._

_So he was killed by one of the guards. Ivan wrapped his arms around his knees, bringing them towards him. Thinking back he supposed it was very possible that he would have killed them all after years of being cut off, though he didn't know for a fact. Either way, he supposed that Twenty-one being there did help him get through. But once he was gone... that was what made him want to kill._

_It wasn't the fact that people were cruel to him that made him upset, he had grown up with it and thought it was just normal or what he deserved. But when given something good... and then that good taken away... that was what had instilled the urge to destroy everything._

_The thing he most regretted was that he had killed all the staff quickly and none of them had learned their lesson before dying._

* * *

"Wow..." Alfred muttered.

"When I finally got to understanding things, it was the Cold War."

Alfred nodded. "Yeah. Still, growing up in a lab. Explains why you don't understand some social interactions huh?" Ivan smiled lightly.

"If you say so." He said, looking over at Alfred, he was sitting on the couch next to the other. He had broken the chair he had been sitting in remembering all the anger. Alfred had said not to worry about it.

"Um... c-could I..." Alfred shifted a moment, a bit closer before cautiously putting a hand on Ivan's chest. Ivan blinked at the other, chuckling.

"Da, as long as you show me as well." Alfred nodded, hesitating a moment before straddling Ivan's lap. Ivan knew it wasn't anything sexual as Alfred started unbuttoning his coat, but he still got a certain thrill with seeing the young blond in his lap. It wasn't a common sight in the least.

Ivan was patient as Alfred opened his jacket, the other giving him a strange look when he saw he wasn't wearing a shirt. Ivan shrugged, "It is warm out." Alfred rolled his eyes in response, amused smile in place as he pushed Ivan's coat open enough to look at his left side. Ivan watched Alfred look at the gaping hole at all sorts of angles, almost worried about getting too close.

The younger could be so ridiculous sometimes. His insides would be much too dark to see unless Alfred had a flash light. Grabbing one of Alfred's warm hands he moved the hand to the opening. America took a shuddering breath, but the hand moved inside slowly on its own accord. The blond bit his bottom lip, looking up at Ivan as if wondering if it was okay. It did hurt a bit, but not as much as when it had first been taken out. Alfred rolled up the sleeve to his shirt to reach further, bomber jacket having been discarded earlier due to the heat.

Letting out a sigh of breath, Ivan laid his head back against the couch, watching Alfred's face in amusement. It was something between disturbed and fascinated. Then the blond jumped slightly, making Ivan hiss. "S-Sorry! I didn't expect for it to be beating."

"It is fine... just do not yank around so much. I can feel it." Alfred nodded, once more biting his bottom lip. Ivan felt Alfred's hand touch his heart again and made a small noise at the sensation.

"D-Does it hurt?" Alfred asked, looking worried.

Ivan chuckled, of course it hurt. "Only a little, but it is fine. Do not squeeze it or anything though, or pull it, it has a habit of falling out."

Alfred nodded at the instructions of what not to do. Ivan felt the warm hand carefully wrap around part of his heart though, not squeezing or pulling, just there. After a moment Ivan sighed, the pain leaving at the consistency of the touch. It was much better.

After a moment though, Alfred let go and slowly pulled his arm back out, making a face at the blood coating his arm. Ivan chuckled as the blond stood up, making a beeline for the sink. "Stop laughing, eh, that's gross! I am never doing that again."

"You make it sound like I would let you." Ivan continued chuckling, buttoning his coat back up, watching in amusement as Alfred scrubbed at his arm in the sink in the small sad excuse for a kitchen that was in the hotel room.

"It was weird feeling, especially when your lung moved okay?" Alfred snapped, pouring soup over his arm before resuming to scrub it.

"It was your own curiosity that got you it."

"I wasn't planning on sticking my arm inside you!"

"You are so funny, it is like this is the first time you had your hand in somebody else's chest."

"It is! You creep."

Ivan smiled. "Thank you America."

"Only you would say thank you for an insult." He muttered bitterly, drying off his arm once it was cleaned.

"No, not that, though sometimes your insults can be funny. I meant for not acting different around me."

"Hm? Yeah no, it doesn't matter what happened in your past, you're still the same dickwad as always." Alfred smiled, sitting down next to Ivan once again.

"Hm... nevermind I am reminded of my irritation for you."

"That's the spirit!" Alfred grinned.

Ivan sighed heavily. "Now, I have told you my life story, yes? It is your turn." Alfred pouted, but nodded. The blond was one to keep to his deals at least. "You promised to let me see how you died too."

"I know!" Alfred said, seeming irritated. "Y-You can't really see how I died really but..." Alfred hesitated a moment before slowly pulling off his shirt. Ivan looked the exposed chest up and down. Alfred wasn't fat as he everybody had assumed, no, he was on the side of the scale of too skinny to be healthy. It wasn't like he had starved, he wasn't that far gone, and he had muscles so clearly he wasn't that bad off. But it looked like any fat that might have been gained had turned to muscle, leaving not enough over.

Ivan leaned forward, confused by the strange balance as he put his hand to Alfred's stomach, there weren't any muscles there at least, and Ivan could see parts of the others ribs when he breathed in too deeply. His hip bone just a tad bit too visable to be normal or healthy. "I do not understand..." Indeed he didn't, he hardly ever say such a strange combination between starved and fit.

"Well that's why I'm here to explain it." Alfred chuckled.


	2. Alfred's Death

**Chapter Two: Alfred's Death**

**Word Count: 7,871**

* * *

_Penny was the sweetest person in the world. Alfred should know, being her older brother by seven years. Alfred still remembered when Penny was first born and he got to hold her. She had been the tiniest human Alfred had ever seen, and to hold something whose life depended primarily on the one holding the newborn made him know that he would always protect her and look out for her, even at seven years old._

_It wasn't easy to watch her usual upbeat attitude turn south when their father left when Penny was five. Alfred tried to cheer her up though, in anyway he could._

_Penny laughed happily, "Go that way!" She directed from his head, he had to look up to see which way she was pointing before running that way, practically skipping so that Penny would feel the bounce as he gave her a piggyback ride. She giggled some more. Alfred was panting heavily, but he smiled, he'd been at this for what felt like forever. "The bathroom, the bathroom!"_

_He would have to think of something else to distract her. Running to the bathroom he sighed. "Ah... how about we play marbles?" He panted out._

_"Okay!" Alfred had to hold in a sigh of relief as he crouched down and picked her off his shoulders, setting her down. She ran out of the room and he followed behind. Still, he sat down on the floor across from her, smiling at her and pulling out his bag of marbles that Dad had gotten him years ago, when he was about Penny's age._

_"Hey Alfed." She always called him that, she had trouble pronouncing her r's, especially in Alfred's name. "When you said Dad was never coming back... do you mean we won't see him again?"_

_This was exactly what he was trying to avoid. It had already been a week since he'd explained it to her, but she didn't seem to grasp how long 'forever' was and had kept asking about it. "That's right." Alfred nodded. Penny looked down, sorrow filling her blue eyes in the form of tears. "Hey, don't cry. Remember, he said that I would look out for you! And I will! I'll be better then Dad!"_

_Penny seemed to consider this a moment, "Will you buy me things?"_

_"You bet! As soon as I get rich I'll buy you all the toys and dresses you want!"_

_"And we can go see the theater! I want to see a play!" Penny smiled, clapping her hands._

_"Shoot, why wait? We'll have our own play right here!" Alfred said, standing up and putting his hands on his hips as he examined the room._

_"Really?" She asked, eyes gleaming._

_"Of course, wait, stand here, I'll move the bed to make a stage!" Penny stepped back, though she stayed closer to where he had advised her to stand. It didn't matter. He pushed the blankets off the bed, including the sheets. Moving the mattress off, Penny tried helping him move it, and it did help a little. Moving it so it stood against the wall, he put the thickest blanket up to make a curtain, and stood back to admire his work._

_"It looks like the forts you make. You forgot the roof though."_

_"No, this is the stage, he pull the curtains back to reveal what's happening behind it! Now!" Grabbing up a sheet he wrapped and tied the corners around his neck. "I shall be the great knight!"_

_"Can I be the dragon?" Penny asked instantly._

_"Ah... alright."_

_"A baby dragon, and you find me and have to be my mama!"_

_"I'm not a girl!"_

_"I don't know that! I'm a baby dragon!"_

_"Oh fine." Alfred exhaled loudly. She did have a point. He was glad that Penny stopped asking about Dad. He didn't want to tell her the real reason he left. He remembered after father leaving and Alfred finally getting Penny to not chase him and back inside her room that he came back out. His mother wasn't crying, mother never cried, but she was close, Alfred could tell._

_She said that it was his fault Dad had left, since Father never wanted any kids. I would have thought that she would mean Penny, but everybody liked Penny, even the old people who hated him liked Penny. But Alfred didn't want Penny knowing that he was the reason Dad left. He didn't want Penny of all people to hate him._

* * *

_"Alfed, can we go outside?"_

_"No, you know we can't until Sunday." Alfred said, looking up at the skylight high up in the ceiling. He was laying on his back with Penny's head resting on his chest as they tried looking for shapes in the clouds._

_"Why?"_

_"Because Mother said so."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because none of the farmers work Sunday." How could he explain that with Dad gone Mother was too ashamed of them to let them out while others were?_

_"Why?"_

_"I think it's something to do with God."_

_"Why?"_

_"I don't know, he just doesn't like people working Sunday I guess."_

_"Why?"_

_"So that children like us can play and adults have to get out of the way."_

_"Okay." Thank goodness. That could have gone on forever. Alfred took a deep breath of relief. "What day is it?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"Why?" Damn it._

_"We don't have a calender."_

_"Why?"_

_"We can't afford one."_

_"Why?"_

_"Mom doesn't have much money."_

_"Why?"_

_"Only men can make money."_

_"Why?"_

_"I don't know." Penny pouted at Alfred. How as he suppose to explain it though?_

_"I'm bored."_

_"I noticed." Alfred smiled a bit. There was a loud click and creak before the door opened._

_"Mommy!" Penny nearly screamed in delight, hopping up and running towards the woman who looked a lot like both of them. Alfred sat up, watching as Penny tried to grab the fabric of the old dress, tried to get a hug._

_"I'm carrying something, one moment." She said, patting Penny's head as the girl calmed momentarily. Mom put a tray of food down on the small table by the door, looking around the room with a small frown. "This room is a mess! You two should clean this place up." It was always a mess. "Penny, what are you doing up? You should be in bed."_

_"But I'm feeling fine, and me and Alfed were having fun!"_

_"Alfred." She corrected, looking at him. Alfred didn't move. He stayed seated where he was. After a moment she looked at Penny, bending over more at eye level. "Now you two be good, clean up and don't make too much noise or I'll have to punish you both, alright?"_

_"We'll be quiet!" Penny smiled, nodding._

_"Good," Mother pulled Penny into a hug, kissing her forehead before releasing a happy Penny and leaving them once more. Alfred stood up and walked to the tray. It had been nearly two months since father left and things hadn't changed much at all._

_"Alfed, why do you never hug Mom anymore?"_

_"I didn't think about that." Because just as she blamed him for Dad leaving, he blamed her. "Go on and lay down on the bed. You'll have to take a nap after you eat."_

_"Alright." She had stopped whining after about the third week at this routine. Alfred didn't want her trapped in bed forever, but she had a poor immunity and Alfred always forced her to take a nap after lunch. As soon as Penny scrambled into bed, he put the tray on the bed too._

_"Careful not to spill any." He smiled, climbing onto the bed as well. Nodding, she started eating the soup and warm bread that smelled like heaven._

_"I know! I'm not a baby!" She pouted. He nodded, patting her head. "I'm tired of soup." She pouted, but she still tore off a piece of bread, dipping it into the bowel and eating it._

_"I know, soup sucks. We don't have much money for food though." He smiled._

_"Food shouldn't cost any money!"_

_Alfred snorted. "If only."_

_"Just think, some place were nobody has to worry about money ever and everybody can play in the sun!"_

_"That sounds like an amazing dream! Though without money, there's still be trading."_

_"Trading is fine! It would be perfect!" Alfred chuckled, talking with his sister about a land they could escape to were they could run free under the sun. Some where grassy hills stretched on for miles on end and the sun shined all day and nobody to call them inside._

_Penny fell asleep with such tales in her mind and Alfred took what she hadn't eaten for himself. He was still very hungry after, but it would have to do. Penny was always sick and needed food. But even if she wasn't sick, she was his little sister and he would rather die then see her go hungry._

* * *

_Alfred looked at himself in the mirror after he had washed up. Rubbing his face before he smiled, he hated having any sort of facial hair that wasn't his eyebrows, but if felt nice to get rid of it finally. Putting away the shaving supplies he had first gotten when he was thirteen he stepped out of the bathroom. Penny was waiting there and she hurried inside once he was out. He hadn't thought she'd be up yet. Though he supposed he could be grateful to the woman they called mother for bringing them water every week or so to wash with._

_Stretching out he went over and laid down on the floor under the sunroof. The sun would still be rising, so not much light got in. He did enjoy napping there when the sun was overhead and shining down._

_Food was sitting on the table. Bacon, eggs, hash-browns, toast, juice, the whole meal. Of course like usual it was just one meal. The smell was torture and his stomach felt like it was trying to eat it's way out of him to get to the food at the reminder that he was hungry, but he refused to eat it until after Penny had. She needed it more._

_She came out after a quick shower and went to grab the plate before sitting down on the bed. She had grown a lot, and so had he for that matter. Penny was still small though, probably from being sick all the time. Sitting on the bed she started eating. "Hey Alfed?" She still called him that, he never bothered correcting her. "Why do I never see you eat?" She'd gotten smarter too._

_"I already ate." Alfred lied easily. She probably knew he was lying, but she didn't call him on it._

_"When do you think we'll get to meet Mom's suitor?"_

_"How am I suppose to know? She's been talking non-stop about him for almost a year now. But I haven't heard a word about them getting married. And you know that we'll only meet him after the wedding." It had been four years total since Dad had left. Penny was nine now and Alfred was sixteen and going through way too many growths spurts then he liked without enough food to give him the energy his body needed for it._

_Mom had gotten him some clothes that didn't exactly fit and Penny got to wear one of his old shirts that was very big on her. Alfred had helped her fix the collar and sleeves so it wouldn't fall off and acted like a dress - a short one, but his own pants were short as well, so they were even there. However Mother said that there wasn't enough money for a doctor for Penny each time she got sick. Though there seemed enough money for Mom to come in wearing beautiful gowns and new jewelry almost every time they say her._

_Alfred decided to think of something else. "How's you're reading going?" Alfred had been able to weasel a few books out of their mother for Penny's education. Penny did love reading them too and learning in general. Alfred couldn't understand two of the books and just stuck to the third mostly._

_He was proud of his sister's work though, she was so smart. "Good."_

_"Hey, you know what!" Alfred smirked, sitting up. "I know what we're going to do today."_

_"Whenever you get that look you want to do something that could get us into trouble!"_

_"Not as long as you don't tell." Alfred winked. Penny shook her head, but she was smiling excitedly. While his ideas would usually get them in trouble, they were always fun._

_"What are we gonna do?"_

_"It's a surprise, for your birthday! Since we didn't get to do much." That Sunday they had gone out and played in the sunflower fields. Mother said they were a bunch of overgrown weeds, but let us play in them because their heights still concealed us mostly. It was fun to play in too. "I'm going to get you a present!"_

_"What is it going to be?"_

_"Well that's the point of a present, you're not suppose to know!" Alfred laughed._

_"Alright! I'll wait."_

_"Good, but in the mean time you should lie down, you're still sick." She pouted but nodded and slowly laid back down on the bed, putting the plate on the table._

_Alfred stood up to tuck her in like he always did, placing a kiss on her forehead before sitting down and waiting until she was asleep before eating what was left on her plate._

* * *

_It wasn't hard at all for Alfred to encourage his mother to go on a date with the man who was courting her. And she seemed thrilled that he wasn't just ignoring or saying harsh words towards her about doctors and screwing the money issues. It was easy to hear her leave and Alfred waited maybe ten minutes - it was hard to tell - before he went to the door._

_Penny was in bed, she was much better now that a week had past, but he had asked her to wait for him. He'd done this before and usually asked her to wait unless they were sneaking off outside. The lock was terrible and it was easy to pick it by shoving almost any object small and tough enough inside and turning it. Usually it was his mother he had to worry about but since she was out of the house he didn't have to even worry about that this time. He did stop by at the kitchen to grab more food, stealing some sweet candies and pastries as well as some other things like apples and some grapes, a large chunk of cheese, a lot of strips of some sort of smoked meats, and several pieces of bread._

_Of course it was hard to carry it all in his shirt, he was fine with it. And even if his Mom noticed, he doubted that she could do anything. Even grounding them from going outside would be pointless because Alfred would sneak out with Penny anyway. Walking towards his mothers room, he wondered if he should have reversed this. Still, he looked around the room, nerves on edge even though he knew she wasn't there. He spotted an opened package on the bed, the only thing left of it was the wrapping._

_It would do. Carefully transferring all the food onto it, he tied it up with the string loose enough not to crush any of the pastries but tight enough so it wouldn't fall apart at the seams. Leaving it there for now he brushed off his shirt before walking towards the closet, opening it. He looked a moment before stepping inside, moving dresses aside until he reached the back, he couldn't see very well, but he could make due._

_He found a smaller dress then the others, clearly not having been worn by his mother in quiet some time. It would be a bit big on Penny, but Mother wouldn't notice it gone since it wasn't nearly as nice as her new dresses and it was in the back gathering dust. Penny would love it. Pulling it out and walking out so he could see it better by the moonlight he nodded to himself in approval. His old shirt was a poor excuse for clothing and he wanted to give Penny everything, toys, schooling, all the dresses and clothes she wanted, all the food she could eat, and any medicine that could help make her better. But, very despicably this was the best he could do. Sometimes he felt like a failure that this was the best he could do._

_Picking up the wrapped food, he started back to their room. As expected Penny absolutely loved the dress and changed into it right away, it was much, much too big on her, but she refused to take it off that night as they sat, eating cheese and meat sandwiches and sweets to their hearts delight._

* * *

_Mother had noticed the food missing that night and scolded Alfred for being an ungrateful, sneaky thief as she called it, saying she had saved her money so that she could have her suitor over for a nice dinner and perhaps meet us. Lying bitch. Penny hid in the bathroom when she came in thankfully, so she still didn't know about the dress. Alfred didn't react much to the insults. For the first time since he could remember his stomach had been so pleasantly full, and they still had left overs even after this morning. Which was good since their mom hadn't brought any as punishment._

_It didn't matter, it was a night that he would remember for years to come, and in fact two years later he still did. However, Mother had also but a chain lock on the other side of the door. It made breaking in and out harder. Though Alfred still managed it with the help of his razer on special occasions like Christmas and their birthdays. Three times a year of total bliss for at least one night._

_Penny had grown more, though her immune system only seemed to get progressively worst those two years. Alfred tried his best to help her, making sure to cover her with blankets and putting a wet washcloth on her head when she was fevered and held her close when she said it was too cold and she was freezing. Though talking was a strain obviously, and Alfred always tried to get enough for her to drink. Despite that her lips always were cracked and dried and she could only rasp out what she needed. When she was well she would take his hand on Sundays and led him around the sunflower field, his vision had gotten so bad he didn't even know what his sister looked like unless she was sleeping with her head against his chest like they always slept each night. She would tell him what she was seeing and he didn't care what was wrong with his eyes or how. He hardly even thought about it when he was always more worried about Penny's health._

_However her illness got even worst the next year. Penny always seemed to have something by the time she turned twelve. It scared Alfred more then anything each time she got something because she might not come out of it. He was practically begging the woman who brought them food to get a doctor. Penny should have been happy and running in the sunflower fields by the time summer rolled around. But if anything she'd only gotten worse if that was possible and there was nothing Alfred could do but get her water and keep her warm and in bed._

_Sometimes, when she asked he would tell her tales, of dragons, knights, and a sweet princess named Penny. Sometimes of a place they would both live once she was healthy enough for them to go out and travel all over the world, he didn't know places in the world, he didn't even know where he was other then this room, this house and the sunflowers. He told stories of how they would save people and they would be known far and wide in made up places he came up with on the spot. Other times, he would sing some lullaby's to her that he hadn't sung since she was five._

_It was clear that she thought of him more like a parent then their own mother was, and he doubted she even remembered their father._

_One day it happened, it was bond to happen. Alfred woke up one morning, familiar weight rested on his shoulder and chest, same arm wrapped around his waist. But after a moment something felt... different. He looked down at her extremely pale face. He stiffened, realizing that she wasn't breathing._

_"Penny?" He whispered into the dead silence. He brought his hand up and touched her shoulder. She was cold, too cold and her skin clammy and unpleasant to the touch. But he didn't draw it back, instead shaking her carefully. How could he not notice? Had she died some time in the night? Was there still help for her?_

_Alfred carefully lifter her off of him, laying her in the bed and pulling the covers over her to keep her warm. She had to be okay. She was everything to him, there was nobody else in the world except for the food bringer. Without Penny... there was nothing. The sun shouldn't even be allowed to shine if she was gone. So she couldn't be. Alfred went to the door and pounded on it. If he had been thinking he probably could have unlocked it._

_But he wasn't. Alfred shouted and pounded at the door until he heard a click. He stopped then, not daring to move in fear that he had imagined it, but soon the door was open and his Mother was glaring at him. "P-Penny needs a doctor!"_

_"Alfred, not this again." She muttered tiredly. "You know we cannot afford it."_

_"Don't bull shit me now-"_

_"Alfred! You will not talk to me in such a vial manner."_

_"I don't care if you're ashamed of us being born, Penny's dying and if you don't get a doctor soon I am going to burn this house to the ground, whether you're in it or not." He wondered himself if he was being serious. Sometimes when he got mad he said things he didn't always mean. But no... he was pretty sure he would if Penny died without a doctor._

_His mother looked past him, eyes going wide after a moment and breath leaving her. "S-She's dead."_

_"No!" Alfred shouted, grabbing the woman's arm. He had to be careful, even if he was angry, he had to control his strength. It brought her attention towards him though and she looked scared. Of him or the fact Penny was dead he wasn't sure. "Don't you dare say that. Call a doctor."_

_"Alfred."_

_"Now." He snarled. She nodded mutely before closing the door behind her once he let go. Alfred sank down to the floor, back towards the wall, staring at the bed. Penny was dead... no doctor was going to help. But he didn't care. He wanted a doctor. He wanted Penny to live. Even if he knew she wouldn't._

* * *

_A man did come the next morning. By then the room smelled and Alfred was curled up on the floor, having cried and thrown up as much as he could. The only thing he'd really done was drink water and shave, going through the same morning rituals before realizing Penny wasn't alive. The man didn't talk to him, he did give Alfred a long glance before he wrapped Penny up in the sheet and took her away._

_Alfred didn't protest. He knew that if somebody died they had to be buried. He didn't feel like talking anyway, or moving. The door was closed and he was still left alone with the stench. He tried throwing up several more times, but his body didn't have anything left in it._

_It didn't matter how long he was in it, it still smelled. He ate food, though only about one meal and a snack each day, but he didn't throw it up so perhaps it was a bit better. However, the day after the man had taken his sister and his food arrived he stood by the door. "I want to go to the funeral." He said instantly._

_His mother had a pair of laundry pins clipped to her nose and she held a napkin in front of her mouth to speak. "You can't."_

_"What do you mean I can't?" Alfred growled._

_"It is not proper for you to go."_

_"What? I practically raised her! I was there since she was a child while you were off being ashamed of us and flirting around with other men! If you had even thought for a moment to call a doctor then she might not have died! But you were too greedy to even feed us properly so what am I suppose to expect from a whore like you?" He should have expected the slap. It still stung his cheek though. Honestly, he blamed himself even more then he did her. He should have pressed for a doctor while Penny was alive, not after. He could have tried harder, or broken out, stolen some money and taken her to a doctor himself. But he never did. And because he hadn't tried it was his fault his Penny was dead._

_"Never speak to me like that again. I am still your mother."_

_All he wanted was to say goodbye, he hadn't been awake, hadn't just known and woken to spend the last few minutes with her and now she was gone. Forever. "Some mother." Another slap, at least this one was lighter. Alfred took it though._

_"You will not talk to me like that. And if I say, you will not go to the funeral."_

_"I'm not asking." Alfred snarled, glaring at her. While she could slap him, he was set on going. To say goodbye if anything. "If you say no, I am going to make sure you have nothing left when I go."_

_Her eyes flashed with something he couldn't pace, and she slowly backed out of the room, taking the food with her and closing the door. Alfred knelt down on the floor, running his hand through his hair in frustration._

* * *

_His mother didn't come back with even food until the next day at around noon. And when the door opened he sat up from where he was laying in the middle of the floor. He hadn't slept on the bed since... Penny. His mother came in and set the tray on the table before looking at him. "I have decided that you can go to the funeral, if you apologize."_

_Alfred was fine with bending his pride to get what he wanted. "I am sorry... for calling you those names and disrespecting you as well as threatening you. I was way out of bounds." He muttered, bowing his head. She must have accepted it because he heard the door close._

_Going to the food it smelled so good, and there was a full meal here too. Grabbing it and going to sit on the floor under the sunroof, Alfred started eating quickly, feeling quiet hungry. Despite that, he only got to take about four bites._

* * *

_Alfred gasped, eyes widening and instantly startling. Or trying, his body hardly moved despite his brain signaling that he should. Taking another breath he noticed how the air was... heavy. No, it wasn't that, but it was hard for his lungs to find. It was pitch black and he had the feeling of being blind, having no idea which way was up or down. He felt something move against him and tried startling again, but it had the same results._

_Panic was filling every bit of him as he felt completely trapped from all sides, everything crushing him. He moved his hands around and felt a blanket or something around him. He started tearing at it easily. As soon as he did he felt things fall onto him. Dirt. His panic tripled as he became aware of the smell of the earth and the crushing sensation from all around._

_He was in a grave and he had to get out. Taking a deep breath, he quickly tore away the sheet on his face, closing his eyes before the dirt fell onto him. He felt around until he found a side that held loose dirt. That was up. He pushed at it, trying to move it away, though it was difficult on him, his body not even wanting to move and the dirt having hardly anywhere to go._

_Was he making any progress? He had no idea and his lungs were burning inside of him, but he refused to open his mouth or open his eyes, he didn't want to breath in the dirt. Finally he felt his fingers break into something not dirt and he felt air hitting them, he dug his other hand up with extra strength added to the aspect of the end of it being near. Grabbing onto the earth above him, he lifted up until he breached the surface, air moving around him. Coughing violently and sucking up as much air as his body could handle, he fell onto the ground, using the last of his strength to pull his legs out before turning onto his back and letting his chest rise and fall rapidly to the open night sky._

_He say a blurry bright light in the sky that he knew was the moon, probably full or else he might not have seen it. What had happened? He died, he was dead. He didn't have any reason to believe that with his heart racing and lungs burning with need, but he knew it was true. He was America. This land, this colony under another country... England._

_There were so many people. Closing his eyes he just absorbed how many people. All his people. How did he die? He had been eating and... poison. His eyes opened once more. He'd been poisoned. But not just him, his sister too, by that woman._

_Alfred startled when something soft touched him. He looked over, too tired to stand or fight. It was... a rabbit. An animal. It... it was his. Reaching out a hand weakly, he rubbed it's head, it's nose twitching and eyes moving to seem to take in the world around it before it hopped several feet away from him. He hesitated before turning back onto his stomach and pushing up, standing up very unbalanced before falling. He kept trying though, standing and falling or every taking a few steps before falling._

_His rabbit was patient with him though and waited until he collapsed onto his knees in front of it. It stood up on it's hind legs, nose once more sniffing before it dropped down on the ground and clawed at the ground. Alfred leaned down and put his hands on the ground. It was cool, but the ground sank against his touch, dirt packed very loosely._

_Thankfully it didn't take much effort to dig like it did coming out of the grave. Soon he found something wrapped tightly in a package. Pulling it out and dusting the dirt off of it before he opened it. He pulled out clothes, holding them up to look at them. They were clothes. A long sleeved shirt with buttons and a brown sweater-jacket as well as some pants. They were a bit dirty, but they looked like they would fit him much better then what he was wearing and he got the feeling they were his anyway._

_Tugging out of his current clothes, he pulled on everything except for the jacket, the night was warm anyway. He rolled up his sleeves before he looked down at the rabbit, leaning down the pet it on it's head. "Thank you." His voice strained out. The rabbit hopped away, disappearing from his sight within moments. He turned back, walking must better to where he had crawled out. He was still covered in a layer of dirt and felt strange wearing clothes that felt clean in comparison to his skin. He rested his hand on the ground. He just knew that his sister had been in the grave next to him._

_Gathering stones from the entire area around him, he made a small pile to mark where it was. Standing, he promised her he'd be back. But he had a house where he stayed with his mother colony somewhere out there and he needed to get to that first._

* * *

_England, whoever the person was wasn't there. None of the clothes fit him either. But there were some people there who knew he was America and asking him where he had been, which he didn't understand. But they got him clothes that actually fit and he was able to take a warm bath. He hadn't had a warm bath since he was a very small child and it was amazing._

_That's when he set to work, using his stature as a nation to find the man that his mother had been dating before cutting off all money to him, going so far to make sure the man would have nothing to his name. Alfred sat in the small village he had apparently grown up in, he had consoled the man when he was dumped by his mother._

_He talked to the man only briefly, as just a stranger from another town for him console his troubles in. Alfred didn't blame him for what happened to him and his sister, the man obviously knew nothing about them. A more illogical part of him wanted to blame him. His mother had only started slowly poisoning them when she started dating him. But blame didn't lie in this man._

_It still haunted Alfred, that if he had taken Penny away she would have gotten better. That if he had eaten more food perhaps they would have died together. His stomach growled at any reminder of how hungry he was. Looking around, he saw a place to eat and stepped inside. As always he ordered everything since everything looked good. And he ate quickly, trying to tell himself that the food wasn't going anywhere and he needed to slow down, but while he knew that, he still continued the fast pace even when some things were so hot they burned his tongue and throat on the way down._

_Only when he felt some it try to come back up did he stop eating completely and focused on just keeping what he ate in his body. Even if it never filled him he never wanted to lose anything. He paid and left, feeling a bit depressed. He'd been getting better at not throwing up his food by over eating, but he wished there was something to make him feel full._

_Clearing thoughts of food out of his mind he stepped into another place, buying one of the plain items for sale and thanking the man for giving it to him on such short notice._

_Then, he waited for night to come. Then he set off towards the house he had come from. It was strange, seeing it from the outside. He knew the layout of the inside and had seen the outside from looking out windows. But it was still strange seeing a place he knew so well in a way he had never seen it before. There were some oil lamps lit inside clearly, something him and his sister had never had the pleasure of having._

_But he wasn't here to reminisce. He walked up to the house and knocked on the door, waiting until it opened. His mother looked at him, obviously at first expecting somebody else, but as soon as she say him her eyes went wide in horror. "Hey Mom, I'm home." He smirked. The door was slammed on his face and he heard a lock being put into place. He counted silently to ten before kicking the door in._

_It was amazing how little effort things like that took now. He heard a startled scream, but they were out in the country, nowhere near the village and the closest neighbor was miles away. "That was hardly nice. You're only son comes to stop by and you don't even have a word to say. Is it the gun? Don't worry, I'm not going to use it." He said, walking towards the small sitting room they had where his mother was standing against the wall like some trapped animal, a look to match her predicament._

_"Y-You died. You were buried."_

_"Yeah, had a hell of a time climbing out. I'm alive now though, isn't that nice?" He smiled, walking up to her._

_"A-Are you a ghost?"_

_"No, I'm alive. Tell me, was it that you were afraid I would get out that made you give my food an extra special kick or was it because that man of yours was going to marry you soon and you had to get rid of us?"_

_"A-Alfred dear, I don't know-"_

_"Save it." Alfred snarled, stepping in front of her and swinging the butt of the gun into her head. She collapsed to the floor, unconsciousness taking her. "Usually don't hit woman." He sighed heavily. But putting that aside he threw her over his shoulder before leaving the house._

* * *

_Alfred clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth, watching the sunrise in the distant. It was beautiful. He doubted he'd ever get over the sight. It was just so beautiful with new glasses he could see every color and every detail. Honestly he doubted he'd get used to how clear and beautiful the world looked around him. He heard a stirring behind him and looked over, "You awake yet?"_

_"A-Alfred? Where am I? What are you doing?"_

_"Oh good! I was worried you wouldn't wake up." He stood up, grabbing the shovel before starting to shovel dirt in over the coffin he had bought yesterday that was sitting in the open ground._

_"What is that? What are you doing?"_

_"You're in a shallow grave. You're going to die in that box. Don't worry, you'll be close enough to still hear if I shout." Only reason it was shallow. There was a moment of silence before panicked cries and screams ripped through the air. "Nobody's going to hear you." Alfred rolled his eyes, continuing to quickly cover the box._

_After a moment the wordless cries turned to pleas, "Alfred, Alfred darling, you cannot be serious! I was only doing what was best for us! You would have been outcasted from society and we wouldn't have gotten any money and starved."_

_"Shut up! I can forgive you for killing me, I won't grudge you that. But killing Penny for nothing more then money? You deserve worst then this you hellish bitch. Satin will even shudder when he meets you for killing her!" Alfred snapped, part of him wanting to rip through the ground and throttle the woman saying that money was more important then Penny. That being outcasts from society was a reason to kill._

_"Please Alfred, I'm sorry, let me out! I was wrong! I can make it up to you!"_

_"Shut up. You missed your chance when you started killing Penny! I just can't believe how stupid I was not to see it." There were so many things he could have, should have done. But it was too late for that now. Finishing with packing in the dirt, he stood, proud of his work before sitting down on the ground again._

_He didn't bother responding to anything after that, though most of it was helpless cries. She wasn't going to last long if she kept that up. Eventually, the cries did die out, and after that the sobbing until a quiet gasping sound that Alfred had to strain to hear before everything went quiet._

_He made sure to burn the house before he left. Only a couple things after that needed to be done, he gave the man back his business and money, though he hardly knew how he'd gotten it back. And he gave Penny a proper grave and funeral, even if he was the only one to attend it._

* * *

Alfred breathed out, watching the white trail leave his body. They had moved out onto the balcony since it was a non-smoking room, and indeed Alfred hardly ever smoked, but he still had a little less then a pack on him at all times, just in case. Alfred took another drag, waving his hand after he did, "That's everything."

"How interesting." Ivan hummed, looking over at him with his usual smile. "I did not know you could be quiet so dark to bury somebody alive and then stick around to listen to the screams."

"Wish I could say it made me feel better. Didn't bring anybody back though. But I was at least glad that bitch was out of the world." Alfred flicked the cigarette to get the excess ash off the tip. "I don't exactly regret it but I would appreciate you not saying anything to anybody about it."

Ivan chuckled, taking a gulp of his vodka before nodding, "I will not say anything. It is only fair if you do not." Alfred nodded his own agreement. "I am surprised how similar our lives were as humans though."

"Both being locked up by psychopaths in a small place with only one person we love and killing the ones responsible for their deaths after. Yeah, if you narrow it down I guess so." Alfred shrugged, looking up at the sky. "You know, the funny thing is that when England came back he hadn't known that I had died, he'd been gone so long. Thought I had magically grown. Kind of funny actually."

"Ah, I remember him telling that story. So that is when you came back. Surely you couldn't have been in Nebraska during then. I assumed so with the sunflowers."

"There are sunflowers elsewhere you know." Alfred chuckled, smiling at Ivan before stubbing out what was left of the butt before lighting another one. "For a long, long time I hated sunflowers. I don't even remember why, after I died I guess I just hated everything that reminded me of that place." Alfred chuckled. "You... or I guess your past self tried so hard to convince me they were good. It frustrated me, but he meant well."

"I do love them. I cannot understand anybody hating them." Ivan smiled. He remembered the first time he saw a sunflower, it was so beautiful and bright and growing out of the snow with such strong determination to live that Ivan had loved the flower since. Alfred nodded.

"Took me awhile to understand why I was always starving even though I ate." Alfred looked at him, take another drag from his cigarette, blowing out the smoke. "As a nation we won't die if we don't eat. However, to keep healthy we have to. I overeat and a lot of my population is overweight." He shrugged, looking up to the stars. "I can never grow fat because I wasn't when I was dead, but we are tied to our people and so we have to do things like eat to stay healthy.

"If your heart fell out you would live but you wouldn't have any blood circulation. It's probably bad enough as it is. But, despite the fact that you died with your heart cut out of you it still tries to pump blood, right?" Ivan nodded silently. "Well it's the same. My stomach can be filled and provide sustenance for me but I will always have the pain of my death. I will always feel like I'm starving. It's something all nations suffer. I guess it's because if we're going to be immortal we're going to have to suffer through it."

Ivan watched awhile, but Alfred was done talking. He hesitated before standing from the chairs they had dragged out, "I suppose I should be going then. It is late. Thank you for answering my question though." Ivan said. Alfred looked up at him.

"Yeah, it's no problem. Hey though, how does your heart stay in?" Alfred asked, looking up at him.

"Many times it falls out completely or falls into my body somewhere and I have to open myself up to get it or continue being in pain. It is painful and very annoying sometimes. It is rare for it to stay in place long."

"Why not take it out?"

"Because it is mine. And I cannot have blood circulation without it being inside me properly, as you have said. Who would know what that would do to my people?" Alfred nodded "Tell me... you slept with nobody while you were a human?"

"No, I wasn't going to do anything to my sister."

Ivan nodded. "That is what I thought, but I wanted to check." Ivan waved off. "I will see you at the meeting tomorrow. Goodbye." He said before starting towards the door. Alfred didn't protest and soon he found himself heading back to his own hotel. It made sense why Alfred was constantly eating so much, the story also showed that his heroism was with him at a very young age. It also explained why he had such distaste for any figure of forced authority, having none while growing up he would be apposed to it.

He supposed now that he knew that Alfred was no longer of interest and things could go back to the bland way they always were. How very wrong he was.


	3. Healing

**Chapter Three: Healing**

**Word Count: 3,806**

* * *

"Trust me!" Alfred smiled down at him.

"I do not trust you." Ivan said simply.

The blond rolled his eyes, "Trust that I'm only trying to help." Ivan nodded, that was better. He believed that more, enough to let Alfred chain him down spread eagle and half naked anyway. He thought that the whole business with Alfred was done with, but the blond had showed up at his house months later saying he had an awesome idea from their stories. Ivan was a bit curious since Alfred didn't say what exactly he wanted to do, only that he wanted to 'help'.

"Alright. I will not die after all."

"True, you'll heal right up. Which is why I had to think about this for awhile." Alfred said, pulling out a knife. Honestly Ivan was wondering if Alfred just wanted to play doctor with him or whatever the phrasing was and using excuses. He brought the sharp object down, at least it was sharp so the sting it gave as Alfred cut into his skin was delayed and faded quickly. "How do we die anyway? We're practically immortal."

"I do not know. Technically you are much older then me."

Alfred chuckled. "Yeah, isn't that great?" He smiled before focusing on what he was doing. Alfred put the knife away, grabbing the section of Ivan's skin between latex gloves and pulling it off of Ivan's body for the most part, until he got it to Ivan's side. Ivan grit his teeth, arms trying to pull at the restraints holding them. After the pain went through him he felt his body fall into the stone under him, panting heavily. "Does it hurt that much?" Alfred asked with some undisguised wonder.

"Yes. Very much." Ivan muttered out, opening his eyes to look at Alfred. The blond nodded, it was strange to see him without his glasses, he had been afraid of getting blood on them so he had put on contacts, one of the rare sights. He was wearing scrubs and even the mask across his mouth and nose.

Alfred grabbed something and Ivan felt cold metal against the inside of his skin a moment before a sickening crack followed by pain tore through him. He let out a cry, body trying to lurch up to get Alfred off, but the other was unaffected by the small amount of struggling Ivan could achieve. He let out several curses in his native tongue as Alfred dropped the severed rib bone onto a tray beside him. It wasn't long before two more joined it.

Ivan wasn't sure he could take much more of this. His vision was blackening and he was sure he would pass out, from pain or blood loss first, but he was sure it was going to happen soon. He was sure it was the pain because he blacked out several times after that. But Alfred kept going though, stabbing pain in his heart he was never fully awake enough to place what was going to happen.

It probably took at least an hour, probably more before the pain ended. After awhile, his vision cleared, though he still felt quiet groggy. He was shocked to find that Alfred wasn't on him anymore. Looking over, he saw the blond was washing his hands, scrubs and everything he was previously wearing gone and in his normal outfit. He looked over once he was gone, smiling before drying his hands and coming over towards him.

"I'm going to leave you like this until your all fixed up. Probably be over twenty four hours."

Ivan glared at the other. "You toyed with my insides and are telling me I have to sleep here and not as to why."

"I can get you something to knock you out if that will help." Alfred walked away once more, Ivan watched him look through things.

"That would, but that is not what I asked for."

"Here." Alfred smiled, coming over with a flashlight and mirror, straddling Ivan's waist, careful not to touch the large gaping hole in his chest, turning on the flashlight and shining it into Ivan's chest before holding the mirror until he was sure Ivan could see inside of him from the angle.

Ivan blinked, looking up into the mirror. It took him a moment to see what exactly it was. "Are those stitches?" Ivan asked in wonderment.

"Yep, attached all your arteries back to where they belong. They aren't stitches that dissolve but I don't know how long they'll last. Don't worry, I made sure that they wouldn't make your blood clot either, that would suck if you kept dying because of it." Ivan blinked up at Alfred blankly. The blond got off of him, turning the flashlight of and putting the things down before grabbing something else. "I'll probably come back here once you're all healed up. I'm going to go out and get some food." Alfred patted his head.

Ivan continued staring at Alfred even after something was placed over his mouth and nose.

* * *

Ivan woke up before Alfred was back. His back was killing him and his arms and legs weren't faring much better at the position either. Looking down until his chin was digging into his chest. It was fully healed up. Sighing he dropped his head back down. He could at least think. Alfred stitching his heart back into place so that he could never fall out. To help with his injuries that he gained when he was human... it was perhaps one of the nicest things anybody had done for him, as painful as it was, it would prevent him pain for years to come.

He would need to think of something to do to repay Alfred for this. Somehow. The other wasn't always in pain so he couldn't help there, and he couldn't just damage Alfred by cutting his stomach much smaller since his body would just heal back to it's usual state. But to rid the younger of his never ending hunger would be a good way to return the favor. But how... he couldn't alter the stomach in order to change it and there was hardly anything else he could do.

This required some thought. And thankfully he was given some time to think about it before Alfred came into the room, smiling at him. "Good evening! I'm glad to see you all stitched up and back to normal. Well, as normal as you'll ever be."

"America-"

"No, you gotta wait, I'm not done yet." Ivan closed his mouth. What more could Alfred want to do? But soon the blond was straddling his stomach.

"You are not light you know." Ivan grunted.

"Shut it" Alfred snapped, hitting him on his chest - not where his injury he died with was though.

Ivan chuckled, watching as Alfred threaded a curved needle. "How can you honestly be insecure about your weight?"

"Because! Have you seen me?"

"Yes. You are far from fat."

"I know! But you guys always tell me how overweight I am. How fucking ignorant of you guys too!"

"You wear baggy clothes anybody would think it." Ivan pouted.

"I'm nearly anorexic and you guys tell me I'm fat! Now ask me why I have weight issues."

"I see some point there."

"Some. You're such an asshole." Alfred muttered, rolling his eyes before piercing the needle through Ivan's skin, starting to sew up the wound over his heart. It was painful, but not anything compared to yesterday, and he got through with only a slight grunt somewhere in the middle before Alfred tied it off and sat back, examining his work before nodding. "That should hold for awhile." Alfred looked him up and down before smirking. "Want a piercing?"

"No. If you even dare I will kill you."

"Oh come on, if you take the ring out then it would heal right up, no need to get defensive."

Ivan opened his mouth before closing his mouth. "But it would not heal up while the ring was in." He said thoughtfully as Alfred started releasing his arm.

"Well you don't have to keep it in! It would hardly be my fault if you choose to keep it." Alfred rolled his eyes, unchaining Ivan's other arm and his legs.

"Nyet, that gave me an idea." Ivan smiled up at Alfred who slid off of him.

Ivan started sitting up as Alfred asked, "What's that?"

Ivan smiled, grabbing the blond's arm and pushing him towards the table. "I am going to return the favor."

"Hey now, there's no reason for you to be cutting into my chest."

"No not that. It should not even take very long either... well the healing process will and I need some things. Alright, after I am all ready then we shall do this!"

"Do what?" Alfred snapped, looking at him.

"You did not tell me what you were up to. Have some trust. And you may want to clean up this room unless you wish to lay in my blood." With the face Alfred made Ivan doubted very highly that was what Alfred wanted.

"Why don't you clean up your own blood?"

"I said, I need to get things." Ivan blinked at the blond in confusion. "And it is not me who will be having to lay on it. I will take shower first to give you more time, yes?" Ivan waved, walking back out, hearing the insults Alfred threw at him but only chuckling at them as he continued on his way.

* * *

Ivan could see from the twitching in Alfred's chest that the other would be fidgeting if he was capable of such movement. But as it was he was much too restricted. "I-I don't know about this man... Can we just not do this? Whatever the fuck it is you're doing."

"Why would I stop?" Ivan leaned forward slightly over his head to look at blue eyes curiously. "I am already half done."

"C-Cause I've been restrained here forever!"

Ivan looked up at the clock, humming. "Five minutes." The other let out an audible whimper. "Come now, I am just repaying the favor. What you did was very kind to me, that does not happen often."

"I-If I'd known you were going to split my head open I might have thought twice! I-I don't need brain surgery."

"It will help." Ivan chuckled, smirking. "Besides, now I get to mess with your head."

"Fuck. Such a bad idea."

Giggling, Ivan pulled back to look at the brain, "Do not worry, I will not hurt you." But what should he do? It was too good an opportunity. He had never been able to get Alfred restrained to a table with the full access of the others body. He let out a heavenly sigh. Normally he would have caused pain, but the main goal was to put Alfred out of pain. Maybe he could damage Alfred's vocals for a little? Wouldn't do much though since it healed so quickly. No... something amusing and would be effective quiet immediately. Perhaps he could make the other pee himself? That sounded like a lot of fun, and probably would embarrass the American forever. But that would probably be classified as harmful. While the muscles would relax, Alfred would probably stiffen up so much that it would be bad and the smell wouldn't be very pleasant, certainly not something Ivan wanted to clean up off the table either.

"Next time we are so coming up with a safe word that we are going to stick to damn it!"

"Ah, you are really no fun." Ivan smiled then blinked. "Safe word... that is usually in sexual situations." Ivan was glad that Alfred couldn't see the wide smirk that spread across his face.

"You know what I mean! Not that I ever want you to play brain surgeon on me again, but we should set up bondr- ahh- ahh! Wh-wh-" Ivan smirked as he watched Alfred trying to flail around and failing miserably. Ivan had restrained him mostly so that his head wouldn't move, because even if he knew where things were, somebody moving around while he was inside their head was a bad idea. Alfred let out a loud moan, hands clenching into fists and obviously trying to tug at the restraints, deep red face scrunched up in anger and determination to fight the pleasure.

"I am curious how this feels. If it is right into the brain does this mean that the pleasure is greater without anything getting lost on the way?"

"I-I-" Alfred panted out heavily, letting out a groan and arching his back a bit. "Nmgh... going to fucking kill you."

After a short moment Ivan stopped what he was doing, watching as Alfred instantly relaxed into the table, breath still coming out rapidly and eyes closed, which was probably for the best. Ivan had been much too aroused by the sight and sound. "I was just playing a bit." Ivan hummed, looking for what he really wanted.

"P-Playing? Shit dude." It was interesting to hear the usually annoyingly high voice dropped a couple octavals. "I am so getting you back for this somehow."

Chuckling again, Ivan shook his head before he carefully started doing what he was there too do. Cutting a part of the brain off he had too stop some bleeding that started before putting in a small object to make sure it wouldn't reconnect, using a small needle too burn the brain so that it would fuse with the object. He was thankful that Alfred wasn't human or he might have had to do it a different way. "There, done! See, that was not so bad."

"Gonna kill you."

Patting Alfred's forehead he ignored the wince he got from smearing blood everywhere. "I will give you something to put you too sleep, do not worry. You will be healed up in no time. I just hope it works, da?"

"What works?" Alfred hissed, darker blues glaring up at him as Ivan put a syringe together and filled it with the proper liquid.

"I will question that when you wake up." Ivan smiled, pushing the needle inside the others arm and pressing down the hammer, watching as Alfred's eyes fluttered shut after a few seconds with a light protesting grunt and how his entire body relaxed. Carefully pulling it back out, Ivan threw the needle away before pulling off the plastic gloves, the only thing he had worn since he hadn't been cutting too much into Alfred, just a bit of his head. It wasn't that hard to do without getting too messy.

Looking back at the others unconscious form Ivan sighed heavily, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away as he headed for the door. It'd be a good idea for him to take another shower.

* * *

Ivan ran his hand through blond hair, it hadn't been a large wound so his head had clearly healed, as well as his hair that Ivan had shaved most of it off. Perhaps his brain was fully healed as well? Most likely. "Are you awake?" Ivan questioned, looking into blue eyes that blinked and looked at him, they looked almost dazed and distant. Perhaps the drug was still effecting him? It shouldn't be. Alfred nodded slowly. Humming, Ivan was sure he hadn't done anything to cause damage like this.

Moving around he unchained Alfred from the table. The younger slowly sat up, looking up at Ivan almost in confusion before smiling. Then a fist punched him in the jaw. He moved a hand to his face, head turned at the force of it. "You are never to fuck my mind like that again, you understand?" Ivan looked back into the angry eyes glaring at him. Sighing, he nodded slowly, he figured he wouldn't be able to do it again. "Good." Alfred snarled, standing up off the table. Ivan didn't move, waiting for the blond to storm out as he was prone to doing. His eyes widened and he snapped his head up when he felt hands wrap around his shoulders.

His panic died as he realized that it was a non-hostile hug, but his confusion surfaced. He couldn't even figure out how to move, not many hugged him, especially not Alfred. This had to be the first time Alfred had every hugged him. It wasn't like how he hugged other nations either, those hugs had been quick brief ones to say goodbye or hello. Here Alfred was pressed tightly to him, he felt a hand against his back and another against his scarf. He was trying to understand what it meant, he'd never been good at understanding those sorts of things. But he didn't have to work it out. "Thank you." Ivan relaxed a bit, letting out a slow unsteady breath. Ivan smiled, wrapping his own arms around the smaller nation.

"Thank you so much I can't even-" Ivan heard the tremble in the voice. Never had he ever brought Alfred close to crying through every miserable thing he could come up with. But it seemed that joy was something he'd never thought of trying. "Thank you." Alfred whispered. Ivan at least knew it worked. He pulled back from the other, glad that Alfred did the same, though with giving one small kiss to the forming bruise he himself had made before stepping back completely, pulling his arms too himself. Alfred rubbed his arm looking away. "I mean shit, this has got to be the most amazing thing anybody has ever done."

"It should be like that forever. It does provide its own problem. Since your mind no longer recognizes that it is hungry you will have to force yourself to eat. It could prove as a challenge since you will not feel like you need the food. Understand?"

Alfred looked at him, nodding with a small smile. "That still sounds much better then... well..." Alfred grinned widely. "Holy shit dude, I can't tell you the last time I felt this good. Like seriously I can't even remember! Fuck this is the best! I totally owe you one!"

"Ah... the reason I did it was because what you did." Ivan blinked, "It was simply to pay back the favor."

"I don't think you know how much this fucking means to me, I mean oh my god! I'm not hungry!" Alfred grabbed Ivan's arm, large smile plastered on his face that made Ivan want to chuckle. "At like all! I-I'm not starving or anything!"

"I know. I can imagine if feels quiet nice-"

"Try heavenly!"

"-but it was simply to return the kind gesture you did to me. Nothing more."

Alfred shook his head, still grinning. "No, this is way more then that. I'm out of pain. For the first time in almost my entire life, human or otherwise. For the very first fucking time Ivan, I don't feel like I could break down any moment from pain or just the maddening hunger! That huge fact aside it's the nicest thing anybody's ever done for me. I mean, every time I help people they sometimes don't even say thanks, and that's how things are, people don't usually return kind deeds just because of some prideful issue and I get that. So you doing this is just... it's just-"

"Alfred." Since they were apparently using human names in this discussion. "When my heart falls out it is the most agonizing pain I have or ever will feel. I could not possibly describe it. You did not even need somebody's prompting to think about how to put somebody else out of pain. Whether or not it was me. We have had a very unstable relationship since the beginning is how I see it and you still put much thought into how to help me just because of my pain and not anything else." He put his hand on the other nation's shoulder. "Such selflessness, though very naive of you is the kindest thing I have ever seen and it does not deserve to go ignored. I understand what you are saying because that gratitude you are feeling is exactly why I wanted to help you. Understand?"

Blue eyes stared at him for a long while before they softened from their widened state and a small smile made his way too his face. A warm hand was placed over his, blue eyes closing as Alfred nodded. "Thank you."

"And you as well. Come, put your shirt on." Ivan chuckled, remembering when the other had been paranoid about Ivan cutting into his chest and despite Ivan's words that he wasn't, the other was clearly not going to take his word if it meant risking his bomber jacket. Grinning, the blond waved Ivan off, rolling his eyes and going to grab his shirt and jacket, pulling them on.

"Gonna kick me out now?"

"I was actually hoping for a round of drinks." Ivan sighed, shaking his head, "After all that has happened I feel the need for them."

"No kidding. Sounds awesome. Though I hope you know I am not going to even try a drinking contest with you. Come on, lets go." As excitable as ever and always needing to be doing something, the blond was already heading out the door of the room. But he seemed so much brighter then he usually was and that was nice seeing. It brought a strange warmth to Ivan to know he caused such a reaction. He wasn't used to it by far. Looking behind him as he stood in the doorway, he supposed the place needed a thorough cleaning after all that cutting each other.

Still, looking at the blood-stained table he reflected how much closer they had become with understanding each others background. They had been less hostile. Then... what all happened in the room, they had moved from simply non-hostile to something that Ivan remembered friendship was. Humming, he clicked off the lights. Who knew what that night would bring if they could change their views of each other so quickly within a few short hours. Perhaps it was just gratitude, but Ivan felt it was something deeper then that. He just hoped he wasn't imagining it.

* * *

**Once again a one-shot turned into 3 parts because it was way too long. Hope you all enjoyed.**


End file.
